Money and finance is the most influential, dependent variable in relationships, and the aspects of how they are handled in the relationship will be the deciding factor on the health of the relationship or the breakdown of it. Misalignment and mismanagement of money in relationships are the number one stimuli for arguments, mistrust, and resentment in relationships that most often lead to breakup and divorce. It may be surprising to learn that many couples who date and later marry have never discussed their individual personal finances before they get married, and this is a dangerous practice that will not only lead to divorce but can cause the partner in better financial standing to lose their money. Merging together in marriage is serious business! Not only are you entrusting someone with YOU – physically, mentally, and emotionally, but you are also entrusting them with your finances – your lifeblood which allows you to live the kinda lifestyle you enjoy, and make plans to enjoy later on when you retire. When you get married, you two become one! But you know what else become one? Your finances! You are responsible for mishaps or financial infidelity your partner makes, and vice versa. Therefore, it is imperative to examine your partner financially in order to know what you are getting ready to merge with, before getting all in.

Get Financially Organized Before Committing To Marriage & Ensure Your Partner Is Too

Before you enter into a serious relationship with someone, you need to consider your own financial situation whether it’s your debt, your credit score, whatever the case is with your finances. Know your financial stance so when you come to the table to scrutinize their financial situation, yours will also be in order, because they will need to scrutinize yours as well. And if they don’t, I would really be looking at them through the side eye and not taking them seriously. You cannot enter into a relationship half stepping and expect your partner to be full stepping, and neither should they. It doesn’t work that way! At least not long-term! And what may start out as a fun, romantic, happy relationship may end up falling apart when the ooowww and aaawww phase of the early stages of the relationship are over. (And it will!) Especially, if not done right, with the kind of full disclosure and premeditation that needed to take place prior to jumping in together. And as Dr Boyce Watkins wrote in his book Financial Lovemaking 101: Merging Assets With Your Partner in Ways That Feel Good, “I recommend not considering having financial sex until you are ready. Getting ready doesn’t necessarily mean increasing your income, since income isn’t everything, it means spending time working on your own financial habit before getting someone else involved.” Examine your financial situation and be prepared to examine your potential partner’s financial situation, as well as have him examine yours.

Discuss Finances Before You Get Married; It Is Too Important To Ignore

Like any other partnership, knowing where each other stand financially before making any commitment, is not only common sense but it is crucial to the health and survive-ability of the relationship. Does each partner have debt? How much debt does each have? Is it good debt or bad debt? How will you work together to lower or eliminate those debts? Will you be combining those debts and working together to lower or eliminate them? Or will each party work to lower or eliminate his/her own debt? How are the credit histories looking? Who has been better with money? Who stands to lose more if the marriage collapses? Will you be instituting a prenuptial agreement? How will you navigate the financial aspects of the partnership once merged? Who will be responsible for what? Will each party have their separate bank account and another that is merged for each to use for the partnership? Will a life insurance be established for each other? How will each party keep the other accountable? These are just a tip of the iceberg on the questions that should be asked and the financial examination that must take place prior to entering into marriage – if the goal is to have a lasting, happy, and fulfilling marriage.

Make Love to Yourself Financially Before Inviting Someone Else To

Money allow us to take the utmost care of ourselves. It creates for us a bedrock where we have choices in the way we eat, sleep, take care of ourselves, and live. As such, establishing a solid financial foundation is vital to our well-being, and instrumental to the way we are treated. If you love yourself, your physical well-being will be a reflection of your financial well-being. When you show that you not only place importance on your physical well-being but also your financial well-being, you can be sure you will get a lot more respect from your partner at the beginning of the relationship which will have no choice but to spill over and continue throughout the relationship. As humans, we tend to treat people based on the way they treat themselves. If they love and respect themselves it will translate in their words and actions, and if they don’t, then that too will translate. Why do you believe that poor women who marry rich men and vice versa are abused so much? Because they have left their most important priority – their finances, up to someone else. Remember, our finances allow us to care for ourselves, and live the lifestyle we design. If we value ourselves we will not leave that most essential part of our livelihood to someone else. And so people with money know and understand that, and have devalued you based on the way you have devalued yourself. There is no way that those rich partners would allow themselves to be broke and resort to depending on someone else finances – long-term. Not gonna happen! So this is huge to think about when planning on marrying someone wealthy or financially secure. If you are not bringing anything to the table, nine out of ten, you will be taken advantage of. Having your finances in order is the highest form of self-love, a love that cannot help but command respect.

Too many people are committing financial suicide by entering into marriages without first checking their partners financial pedigree, or lack thereof. Make sure your financial situations are all in check before you move to attach someone else to it. And after you work at getting your financial T’s crossed and I’s dotted, make sure the partner you are planning on merging with, have their T’s crossed and I’s dotted as well. Do this one thing right – from the get go, and you can expect to: avoid financial suicide, experience financial prosperity, and have a more stable, happy, and transparent marriage.

Xo,

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